I feel this will now become a thing, and there are to many stories coming out to list ever single one, so I figured lets just round up all the top stories surrounding Pokemon Go every Friday.
As we all know Nintendo's latest Poke crazy has seen Nintendo stock skyrocket, but with that new found popularity and the fact that retention rates and average revenue per user are double the industry average, we have quite a few, new found problems:
In San Diego's North County, out here in sunny California, two, posably drunk men fall down a 90 foot cliff while trying to catch them all.
A young lady find a dead body in a local body of water of the shore in Riverton, Wyoming.
Speaking of finding dead people in bodies of water; in Nashua, New Hampshire a man's body was recovered after a trainer spotted the body floating while visiting the now infamous Pokestop.
To protect the world from devastation! Three teens with in our nation! Try to become the real life team rocket in O'Fallon, Montana! Using in game lure modules to lure people to a location to rob them at gun point. (I got lazy and did not want to try to rhyme all of it.)
A 24-year-old New Zealand man realizes he is Trans-Ash Ketchum, quitting his job to become a full time Pokemon Go Trainer.
Muslims have, of course, condemned the game as "harmful mania" and haram, basically putting it on the same level as alcohol or gambling in their culture. Something that has earned some in Iran the death penitently after the 3rd offence, but could be as quick as after one offence in other areas!
A man, who I will nickname Chuck Fucking Norris, was stabbed while playing Pokemon Go, and then continued to play after getting a fresh new opening in his body. He also refused treatment till after he was do with his daily journey.
A Holocaust Museum is getting an uptick in want a be trainers, and they are not exactly happy about it. It might have been that one trainer in question caught the poison gas Pokemon, Koffing in the establishment, with irony and dark humor abound.
In other "I am pissed off because you are doing a fun thing in a serious place" news, Arlington National Cemetery has seen a massive influx of people visiting to, you guessed it, find ghost type Pokemon.
Child molester, Randy Zuick was caught playing Pokemon Go with children in the UK; but they were able to pick him up before he slammed his Onyx in another kids
NYPD is now investigating the Queens police force for catching some Pokemon while on duty. The trainer that caught them is sorry for causing the officers a headache.
We have two-fer coming out of California: In Schweitzer Park in Anaheim, a trainer was stabbed multiple times by multiple attackers, all aged from 18 and 24.
Two hours later around 2:40 am, some ballsy trainers were out on South Street and Clark Avenue(a place you should not be at, at 2:40 am) When a black man in the passenger seat of a car jumped out with a handgun and demanded their property. One of the would be victims charged the assent, and after taking a couple blows to the face sent the attacker running to the car, which then tried and failed to run the potential victims, over.
In Milford, Michigan, a 26 year old dumb ass with a warrant, who was also well known by police in the area for being a trouble maker, Pokemon Go'ed his ass right in to jail when he showed up at the foot of a Police station in the area, that also happened to be a gym.
Hilary Clinton makes a cringy as hell Pokemon Go joke, leaving younger people in the audience growning. One was even caught of tape clearly rolling his eyes. I am guessing he is rethinking his support at that point.
After midnight, a Miami "suspected" pot dealer was arrested while playing Pokemon Go, because of it was Florida. He had a sack of weed, a grinder and small baggies. I am guessing he was looking for those that wanted to "catch a grass type". (I love dad jokes)
Austin, Texas-based chain of high end theaters, Alamo Drafthouse has been bogged down with trainers playing the game while inside the theater area, disrupting guests. The theaters, which have a fully loaded bar that is now taking advantage of the Pokemon Go popularity with Pokemon themed drinks, has now had to go as far as creating a PSA to screen before the movies play to encourage trainers to put their phones down while inside the theater.
We all knew it was going to happen at some point, an Oregon man slams his car into a tree while playing Pokémon Go and driving. He was noted as "hunting a Lapras" but ended up catching 2 inches of stitches on his elbow and a full leg cast.
For some misguided reason, Rio's mayor wants Pokemon Go to be played at the Olympics this summer. He went so far as to contact Nintendo to try to get the game released in Brazil in time for the event. But at this time you are more likely to catch the Zeka Virus then "[...]charmanders and rattatas while they're visiting the city during the summer games."
More "Poka"ticians trying to be hip using Pokemon Go.
Seems like New York Assemblyman Félix Ortiz can't freak out about the right thing and said he is “concerned” that Pokémon Go poses a "potential" public safety risk, you know, like domestic terrorism, and said legislators might have to step in. (WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE)
In other asshole + Pokemon Go news, seems like five too ten people in Hutto, Texas were busted through some poor guys fence to catch them all.
It seems that Pokemon Go has lead a number of youth to stumble in to the den of a sex offenders and alcoholics? Wait why the fuck are those two groups housed in the same place? San Luis Obispo, California at Sunny Acres, a 72-acre ranch for "sober living", has seen a number of unlikely individuals arrive at there gates, especially considering they absolutely don't want kids around. Who ever put the Pokestop there needs to be removed from Nianitic for negligence.
Pokemon Go is making people get out of the house and actually get some much needed exercise. This ain't no small number, this is on a population-level increase!
T-Mobile is giving away a year of free data this month, but it is specifically for the app, and does not apply to anything else.
People who love to Yelp will be getting a Pokemon Go Pokestop filter to help those who want to find the perfect Pokepath to PokePoke. (I think I am losing it at this point.)
While many nations of Islam will kill you for playing the game now, The Church of England is throwing open its doors. Currently they are trying to sign up their Churches as Pokestops to increase traffic. One sign reads:
[...] Jesus cares about Pokemon Gamers [...]
Showing just how kindhearted Pokemon gamers are, dozens of abandoned animals have been rescued by trainers in South Houston, Texas. The critters, who where abandon in the extreme heat, consisted of 20 hamsters and seven newborn mice.
Out of Orange County, California a would be PokeDetective helps cops when they spotted a suspicious man, who was later noted to be wanted for attempted murder charges. The suspect in question, Jacob Kells, 39, was touching children inappropriately with a plastic flower at the time of his arrest.
And with that we come to an end. If you have more stories you did not see feel free to link them in the comments with a quick descriptor.